this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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