I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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