i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
