Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
