Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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