The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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