party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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