I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
