why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
