you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
