He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
FUCK WHALES
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