We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
