He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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