Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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