Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
