He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
