bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
