he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
