12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
