Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone shit on the floor
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
