Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
