The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
