He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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