We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
