I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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