It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
