I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
