Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
