I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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