So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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