I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
