You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
