You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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