there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
