dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
