I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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