if i can run in heels then i can drive
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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