I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
