guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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