Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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