a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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