Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
