I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
