I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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