its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
