If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
