just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
