just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
