Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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