Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
