she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
