I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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